You know what’s more embarrassing than winning a fake championship? Being stripped of that fake championship.
That’s what happened to Jorge Masvidal on Tuesday, after Dana White announced that Dustin Poirier vs. Justin Gaethje 2 will be the main event of UFC 291 on July 29. Not only that, but the fight is to crown a new BMF champion.
Wait, did he say “BMF champion”?
Dana’s not talking about that fake UFC championship that Nate Diaz willed into existence by proclaiming himself the “baddest motherfucker” on the planet,” is he? The championship that would have likely stayed a fantastical construct had Dana not decided to use it as justification for booking Nate against Masvidal in the main event of UFC 244, in what was a brilliant way to capitalize on the newfound fame Jorge had gained after knocking out Ben Askren at UFC 239?
The championship that Masidval won, had wrapped around his waist by Dwayne “The Friggin’ Rock” Johnson, and then never made any attempt to defend even though he’s totally been open to the idea?
We’re talking about that “BMF Champion,” correct?
So, you want to be a BMF?
What is it with Dana thinking that all Payperview headliners need championships? He’s gone from creating new championships to creating interim championships to creating fake championships and for what?
Fake championships don’t make a promotion look stronger. All they do is muddy up fights that are compelling without any added stakes and make the promotion look like an embarrassment to insiders and a joke to outsiders.
Although, as I think about it, I can definitely see the appeal of introducing more titles and more title fights. Shiny things are fun. Plus, there are a lot of fighters who are deserving of being recognized who may never get the chance to win or compete for a UFC Championship.
The BMF is great and all but why stop there? Why stop at a single fake belt when UFC could unveil even more fake belts to prop up events? How else can they guarantee fans keep tuning in?
So, I’ve put it on myself to help Dana out. Below are some of the ideas that I, along with the BE staff, have come up with for brand new UFC championships, as well as which matchups could be made to crown the inaugural champions. We think it’s important to demonstrate how great and not completely moronic and shameful and pathetic it is to roll out title belts that barely function as actual belts, let alone anything that holds honor and prestige.
Please share your suggestions for additional titles in the comments below as we celebrate what it really means to be a BMF…
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BMF “Baddest MF’er”* Championship
First Fight: Dustin Poirier vs. Justin Gaethje
*Note: Aside from an initial acknowledgement of what “BMF” stands for, I will refrain from using additional course language in the rest of this column. I wouldn’t want to upset any kids who may have clicked on this by accident while trying to find out when the next Power Slap Payperview is taking place. Yippee-kai yay, Mr. Falcon…
If UFC has to crown a new BMF, booking Poirier/Gaethje 2 is probably as good a fight as they could have chosen. Both men have brutalized the lightweight division, notching up multiple wins against top ranked fighters, with both capturing interim championships in the process. In fact, since Dustin defeated Justin by 4th round TKO back in 2018, the only loses either man has on their records came against former champions Khabib Nurmagomedov and Charles Oliveira.
These two men have very impressive resumes, which is why it’s so baffling that they need to have the “BMF” title attached to this fight. This fight sells itself. It’s apparent to anyone who follows the sport that the winner of this fight could easily lay claim to being the Baddest MF’er on the planet. Giving them an official title to go along with the win is just tacky.
I mean, who’s even going to wrap the belt around the winner’s waist? Do you think Bad Bunny will be available?
BMF “From Across the Street” Championship
First Fight: Francis Ngannou vs. Brock Lesnar
It’s a complete coincidence that Dana just happened to make this big announcement on the same day that former UFC Heavyweight Champion Francis Ngannou made a big announcement of his own, right? I’m sure it had to be.
I would welcome the chance for Francis to make one last appearance in the UFC just to prove the grass is so much greener on the side that Jon Jones isn’t standing on.
And for his opponent? How about someone else who has famously frustrated Jon (and others) by not being willing or available to fight? As the old saying goes, “Nothing is certain in this world except for death, taxes, and the MMA media losing their minds every time Brock Lesnar’s WWE contract is about to end.”
SMF “Saddest MF’er” Championship
First Fight: Wanderlei Silva vs. Greg Hardy
Creating new, fake championships is the perfect way to give back to those who have given so much to the sport only to find themselves falling on hard times. I don’t think Pride legend Wanderlei Silva will be able to use the belt to pay back his gambling debts, but soccer fans will surely know who the real winner is (hint: it’s not Wanderlei).
As for Greg Hardy, the controversial figure who has been drummed out of both the NFL and the UFC, we shouldn’t feel too bad that he’s a Spectrum greeter at a Wal-Mart in Texas. Those guys can make up to $62,000 a year. Pretty nice. I bet he’s even getting health insurance too.
NMF “Nicest MF’er” Championship
First Fight: Stephan Thompson vs. Kevin Holland
Yeah, I know these two have already fought but it’d be hard to deny the first title shot to the man who is notoriously known as being one of the nicest guys in the UFC and the guy who seems to thwart multiple robbers a day before he even gets to the gym. At least we can be reasonably sure whoever wins will be happy to get the damn thing.
OMF “Oldest MF’er” Championship
First fight: Matt Brown vs. Glover Teixeira
I tend to get sore after a long day of being a keyboard warrior who may or may not still live in my parent’s basement, but Matt Brown is out here knocking guys out. At 42! That’s crazy!
And Glover? Who doesn’t love the former UFC Light Heavyweight Champion? He said he was retiring after losing the UFC 283 main event and the 43-year-old is still planning to fight again against Anthony Smith.
…what’s that? It’s only a grappling match? Well, that’s still very impressive. I’m getting Rheumatoid Arthritis just thinking about it.
BMF “Bloodiest MF’er” Championship
First Fight: Just pick two BKFC fighters
A different kind of BMF but it’s fine. They all look like Hamburger Helper in the end anyway. We can just go with these two.
Hey, I don’t discriminate by gender. Or blood type.
UMF “Unluckiest MF’er” Championship
First Fight: Ray Borg vs. Tony Ferguson
This is for all the fighters who have shaped the MMA landscape with their inability to make it to Fight Night. They’ll finally get their moment in the Octagon.
Oh wait. Looks like Ray missed weight and will no longer be competing. But the show must go on…
…or maybe not. Tony is out too. He was getting ready to make the walk and he tripped over Petr Yan. What an unfortunate and predictable turn of events for these snakebitten men.
“Baddest Mother” Championship
First Fight: Amanda Nunes vs. Julianna Pena
Since I keep hearing so many people brag online about being the “baddest mother,” what say we actually find out who the baddest mother really is?
And by “baddest”, I mean the best, as in the best fighting mom, not the “baddest,” as in the worst. Man, this slang is getting hard to keep straight.
For this fight, let’s go with the original main event of UFC 289. Billing the bout as a mom fight sure makes more sense than any other reason UFC had to book it.
OLMF “Overlooked MF’er” Championship
First Fight: Beneil Dariush vs. Arnold Allen
Y’know what? I’m just gonna skip this one.
FMF “Fakest MF’er” Championship
First Fight: Clay Guida vs. Jorge Masvidal
Hey look. Clay Guida is getting another chance to have an Octagon interview. Hopefully he can earn it the right way and not just by taking his gloves off.
As for Masvidal, we all know his retirement after losing to Gilbert Burns at UFC 287 is fake. Colby Covington said so and he’d never lie about anything, or at least he wouldn’t according to Chael Sonnen.
DWP “Dana White Privilege” Championship
First Fight: Colby Covington vs. Michael Chandler
And speaking of Colby, few lately have benefited from the kindness of Dana White more than the top welterweight contender, who only needed to show up as an alternate at UFC 286 to be guaranteed a fight with Leon Edwards whether Leon wants it or not.
Colby was accused of having “Dana White Privilege” but is that really a thing? Not according to Michael Chandler, who earned a title shot in his second fight with the company after beating someone outside the top 5, has consistently been given top competition regardless of his win-loss record, and is currently set to co-star on the latest season of The Ultimate Fighter ahead of a red panty night vs. Conor McGregor sometime later this year.
He earned all of that entirely on his own, right? Of course he did…
KoC “King of Cringe” Championship
First Fight: Henry Cejudo vs. Belal Muhammad
What? You thought Cejudo would be crowned “King of Cringe” by default? That’s not how it works. Fake titles are earned, not given.
No, to prove the might of his Twitter prowess, he must also prove he can hang with the top dog at /rMMA. That’s far easier said than done. Have you seen some of Belal’s art? Dude has serious “Check out my AMA” energy.
Primetime Emmy Award for Outstanding Lead Actor in a Face-Punching Series
First fight: Joe Rogan vs. Aljamain Sterling
That’s right. I’m not limiting this to just MMA championships. If UFC’s crossover appeal is as big as Power Slap’s social media numbers, then let’s bring in all the heavy hitters of the fake championship world.
Jon Anik thinks Rogan deserves an Emmy but is the commentator/podcaster willing to fight for it? It’ll be tough, as his opponent is UFC Bantamweight Champion Aljamain Sterling who, according to many, is the greatest actor in the history of acting.
I mean, faking a head injury (after getting blasted with an illegal knee) to become champion and then defending the title in two highly contested bouts against former champions plus a blowout win against another former champion? Those are Ed Asner numbers right there…
WWE World Heavyweight Championship
First Fight: Seth Rollins vs. AJ Styles
Because whoever wins the main event of Night of Champions must feel more legitimate than Jamahal Hill.
UFC Women’s Featherweight Championship
Next Fight: Amanda Nunes vs. Nobody
Oh snap, things got real all of a sudden.
But it’s a valid point, right? Why is Amanda allowed to walk around with two belts when every other double champion was forced to give up one of their titles? Why is Amanda still considered champion of a division that doesn’t exist? Women’s featherweight ceased to matter the moment Nunes knocked out Cris Cyborg and no real attempts have been made to make it matter in any way since.
Amanda said recently that she intends to keep defending the belt. Against who? Another bantamweight who jumped up because she knows she won’t get a championship opportunity any other way? Norma Dumont? Just end the charade already.
The Real BMF Championship
First Fight: Nate Diaz vs. All The Haters
And Nate wins because he’s Nate Diaz. Maybe there’d be none of this fake championship nonsense if he was allowed to keep the title that he created and not have it turned into a lousy publicity stunt.
Thanks a lot, UFC. Glory be to the one true BMF.
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